Changes

Aloha friends!  I have been meaning to sit down and write this post for a long time, but just haven't been ready to share.

I can't believe it has been 3 years since I started this blog.  I guess it began as an online diary of what was happening in my classroom and a way for me to connect with other teachers and bloggers. I can't believe the hours I spent setting it all up, but it has been such a wonderful and amazing journey!!
My first post -----> HERE

Over the years I have shared much about my two daughters.  They mean the world to me and of course like any mother I want only the best for them.

They have always helped me with my blog posts, crafts and model for me whenever possible.

My free time is spent with my girls as much as possible.  We have traveled numerous places and like me they have developed a love for it.  Anything new and exciting for them feels the same to me.

Have you noticed a trend in most of my posts about my girls.  It is usually just the three of us. I feel like for most of their growing life I have raised them on my own, physically and financially.  I have had a partner in all of this, but he has always taken a backseat to most things.  Through the years we have slowly drifted apart.  I am ambitious and want to take my kids to travel the world and learn everything we can.  Their dad is a sweet person who wouldn't harm anyone, but does not want to contribute financially to their upbringing.

This is a really difficult concept for me to understand.  I come from a family with a very strong work ethic.  My father came to the U.S. from Mexico and worked so hard to support our family and make sure we had what we needed to be successful.  He always told me how education was the key to getting what you need and want.  I fully agree.  He came from overwhelming poverty to a middle class existence by educating himself and our family.  He also worked steadily for 30 years with the same company.  I know he didn't love going to work, who does?  But he and my mom needed to work just like everyone else in society.

Working hard doesn't mean you work 24-7, it means you have priorities and when you start a family, I feel that should be your first priority.

Over the past few years we have really been living parallel lives under one roof.  I am always doing something and going somewhere.  Dropping my girls at dance or riding lessons, planning new adventures and trying to hold everything all together.

I have always been the bread winner in the family and that's not saying much as a teacher in Hawaii.  For some reason or another my partner has never been able to hold  a steady job.  There is always an excuse or reason he can't work.  It's always someone else's fault.  This past January he told me he was giving his two weeks notice at his job.  He just couldn't work there anymore, it was a dead end job etc... and that he was leaving to go work in California.

This is not the first time this has happened.  I was actually prepared for it and not surprised.  The sad thing is that he left and I was actually happy to not have him here.  Nothing was different except I had the bed all to myself, which was heaven!  He left without giving me rent money and just expected and knew that I would be fine with just the girls and taking care of everything.  Like me he had come to expect it and knew that he could just leave and not worry about us.

This was the sign that it was time for me to take a stand and end our 14 year relationship.  We are not married.  He never asked me to marry him and I have finally figured out why.  I think when a man asks you to marry him he is committing to be your partner for life.  He could never do that.  He was quite content to work as little as possible to get by and live off of what I provided.

I stayed with him  because I thought that is what you were supposed to do.   I wanted to preserve the whole "family" scenario as long as possible.  But my girls are now 13 and 11.  I don't want them to think that it's okay for them to support someone, who doesn't give back that support to them in return.  I want them to see that a relationship should be a partnership.

So the next stage of our lives has begun.  I am excited, nervous and hopeful.  I know I can take care of myself and the girls, but change is always hard.

So far my girls have been fabulous about this whole thing.  They understand where I am coming from and know that I will always be here for them no matter what.  I think they have always known that.

They still even let me dress them up and do goofy things for fun!! (even though my teen might not show it, lol)

We have so much to do together and I want them to be wonderful, positive years to grow and see all of what life has to offer!!  Mahalo to all my sweet friends and fans who have been so supportive over these last few months.  It truly means the world to me!